It is so important to think generationally when we pray, and marriages are just as important to pray for in terms of generational blessing. Marriage was intended in God’s design, not the world’s, to be for godly offspring. There has been such a massive attack on marriages especially in the Body of Christ. Attacks on marriages where there are children, equates to attacks on the children as collateral damage. How often have children been caught in the onslaught of marriage conflicts and the consequent aftermath? Many of the parents are so caught up in the marriage situation that they don’t have the emotional capacity or energy to pay attention to the effects on the children. Often the children bear those scars into adulthood and this consequently affects their relationships.
Some of the statements from individuals that I have worked with that have come from conflictual homes are the following:
I don’t want to get married because I don’t want to go through what my parents did.
I don’t want a husband/wife they just make life complicated.
I don’t want to have children, I don’t want them to go through what I did.
I don’t trust men/women due to what I saw growing up.
All men/women are liars/cheaters.
I cannot stand to deal with conflict, I saw too much growing up.
It is okay to use anger to solve problems, my parents did it.
It is better to be alone than to be married.
I would rather live with my partner so I can get out when I need to, marriage just keeps you trapped.
Marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness - my parents never were, so why must I get married?
Men are unsafe they just want to use you and abuse you.
Women are weak, they allow men to abuse them and use them.
I never want to be like my father.
I never want to be like my mother.
Harvard-trained social researcher and author Shaunti Feldhahn, in her book "The Good News About Marriage", did a study on divorce among Christians and the divorce rate is around 33 percent. Various other sources also confirm this number to be between 27-33 percent.
It was found that those who keep God at the centre of their home and family stay married at far greater rates, and even thrive within those marriages. One of the reasons for this is that those whose first commitment is to the lordship of Jesus put fewer expectations upon their spouses to meet emotional needs that only God can meet. The lessening of unrealistic expectations gives marriages a stronger foundation upon which to withstand difficult times.
In 1 Peter 2v7 Peter is speaking of the church in general, however, his words also echo the truths revealed in the statistics on Christian marriages: “The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.” When Jesus is the cornerstone of our homes and marriages, we can weather the storms (Matthew 7:24).
Let us pray for the strengthening of Christian marriages, that the Lord would reveal Himself in marriage as the One who instituted this as a mirror of His relationship with us.
I am well acquainted with marriage struggles. In 2006, my marriage was ripped apart, and the damage it caused was painful. It took a long time to heal. But my testimony is that when you start to put God at the centre of your life, you will see Him move in your circumstances. When you make God the source of your joy and do not try to make your spouse fill that role, the expectations change drastically. Yes, we still need our spouses to fill certain needs, but let’s face it, no one is perfect and when we expect that “perfection” from our spouse, we will constantly be disappointed. Needless to say, if we are in an abusive marriage, we need to take steps to protect ourselves. For the purpose of this blog, we are addressing Christian marriages in general.
The enemy uses our wounding to cause conflict in marriages, to cause pain and disappointment. So, a word of encouragement - ask God to show you those areas you need healing in; that is what I had to do and I realised it wasn’t all my spouse. I had major stuff I had to bring before the Lord and I needed healing. It starts with you. Needless to say, abuse should not be tolerated and this is a different scenario altogether. But if your marriage is in trouble, start seeking the Lord for the answers, make Him your cornerstone. Let us stand together and pray for marriages to be strengthened in the Lord, for light to be shed on conflict situations, for the truth of the Spirit to come into marriages and for the first love of the Lord to fan into flame. Once this flame is burning, the flame of love for your spouse can start to burn brighter.
In the bigger scheme of things, let us warfare against the powers of darkness and of this age that are coming against Christian marriages as an agenda to destroy the Church, the Bride of Christ. Consequently, this causes a generational ripple effect on the children. They will be the ones to carry some of this fruit if we do not stand against it.
Let us meditate on Ephesians 1v19-23: “And what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all principality and power and might and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in that which is to come. And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all”.
Blessing in Christ!