Due to our early experiences, we often develop our own anger model.
We need to understand how this works as along our healing journey we often run into this. Each person will have their own unique template as to what triggers them.
Our anger model is linked to our core beliefs and values, self-regard and other regard.
So let us break it down into a transaction. Obviously, there can be many scenarios but I believe this will explain it well enough:
If it is important to you to be fair in the way you deal with others, you will regard yourself in a good way as long as you act fairly and feel guilt and shame when you do not.
If you use the guilt and shame as a motivation to be true to your core value i.e. to behave fairly, your self-regard will instantly improve and you will act with conviction and not need anger for defense.
However, if you blame your unfair behaviour on someone else, you become angry or resentful and powerless to restore your genuine self-regard. So while you are angry it is really nearly impossible to restore self regard on your own, because now it requires someone to submit to what you want. So the only thing that you can really hope for while in a state of anger or resentment, is that you will have a temporary sense of self-righteousness.
If we are out of touch with our deepest values, we are more likely to act on our ego which entails how you expect others to regard you. Again, your self-regard will depend not on what you do, but on the regard of others - who are most probably pre-occupied with their own self-regard. So we at times, give this too much importance in our lives and allow our emotions to be affected by it.
So this means that you will become more vulnerable because it is controlled by others.
Ego will require that we manipulate the impressions of others to preserve our self-regard and it will take a lot of anger and resentment to defend. So often, preserving your ego will lead to violating your deepest values.
The emotions that are covered by anger, can come in many forms such as resentment, restlessness, impatience, agitation, irritability or sarcasm, theses will motivate us contrary to our best interests. We self-sabotage.
However, these emotions can be used to gauge our state of core value, which is too low, and that it needs to be filled up, which means we need to come back into alignment with our deepest values.
If you are angry about the unfairness of someone else, you must be sure that you are being fair, or you will respond to that person in the same way you might perceive them.
In your core value, you act with conviction to achieve fairness, which will likely be in your best interests. In our anger, we often devalue others in our heads at least, which is not in our best interest relationally.
So dealing with anger is actually more than just managing your emotions or getting anger therapy, it is a choice of what kind of person you want to be - angry and resentful - someone who struggles to manage their emotions, or one who lives secure in their core value.
And remember, our core values can be challenged also, as they may also be impacted by our negative experiences. Values can also be imposed by our family of origin. We accept them to be true but they may need re-examining. There can be distortions.
James 1v19 "Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving]" AMP.
Ecclesiastes 7v9 "Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools" NKJV.
Much blessing in Christ!