Understanding the Attachment Cycle

Attachment is a very important part of the bonding process. The attachment bond that the infant forms with their primary caregiver will inform how they respond in later relationships with others.

Attachment is the emotional bond that the infant forms with their mother or primary caregiver. This bond is formed by the infant's experience of the caregiver being present and consistent in meeting their needs. This helps with trust formation. Later on it helps the child to be able to securely explore his/her world but always return to the safe base of the caregiver. The attachment bond will form throughout childhood but the most important years are the early formative years. Children have a need to be loved, appreciated and affirmed. This helps secure identity formation and relational interactions.

When the attachment bond is not formed securely, the child will find it difficult to trust others and may also then view the world as a very unsafe place. This can lead to anxiety and behavioural disorders as well as contribute to dysfunctional adult relationships. Our early attachment styles will very often be carried into our adult relationships and we will respond in a similar manner. We may not consciously be aware of this.

Some examples of what may disrupt secure attachment:

• Post-natal depression 

• Pre-mature birth requiring an extended period in an incubator

• A sickness or condition that requires hospitalisation 

• Stressors in the mother's environment that disrupt the bonding process, e.g. having to return to work, difficult marriage, sickness or poor lifestyle choices, etc. 

• Colic baby - taxes the mother's emotional capacity as well as sleep deprivation due to the baby's restlessness 

• Mother's anxiety with the baby 

• Strained parental relationships or domestic/child abuse 

• Parenting styles especially authoritarian, neglectful or permissive parenting

• Teenage birth or single-parent 

• Not allowing the child freedom to explore age-appropriate activities 

• Not laying down boundaries that communicate limits 

Observational experiments were done with children that showed the importance of setting boundaries. Children were put in a field with no fence and told to go and play. The children automatically stayed in the centre of the field near each other. Then they were put into a field with a fence and given the same instruction. The children then explored the whole perimeter of the field seeming to sense that this was safe. We see that children do need boundaries and limits to feel safe; otherwise, they feel unsure, unsafe and insecure.